P A R K

C a l m.  P e a c e f u l.  F r e e. 
An evening out on the town for ice cream and company. Grass between our toes, we ran to the swings. Funny how a small thing can make you feel alive and free. It made me think of a memory from long ago, when I used to listen to "Adventure's in Odyssey." There was an episode in which one of the kids says to Mr. Whittaker: 
"Aren't you to old to be swinging?" 
To which he replied, "Well, how old do you have to be?"
It reminded me that swinging is a timeless thing. No matter the age, swinging always makes you feel infinite. 

2013

The start of a new year often brings change and reevaluating everything. For me, something I have been reevaluating is this blog.

Back in August when I headed off to college I had plans to keep this blog running. Posting consistently, taking photos and writing about the college experience. But when I got to college I suddenly found it hard to blog. I don't really have a reason why... all I know is that suddenly I became scared that what I would put out would be boring and dull. That maybe no one wanted to read about the accounts of a college student. Not only did my posts become scarce, but my camera became just another dust collector on my shelf. Before I knew it, it was at least a month between posts and even longer between photographs.

I hated this. Photography to me, is not only a creative outlet, but a way to document my life. I regret the fact that I have no "real" photographs of my first semester of college. I regret that the habit I once had of taking my camera everywhere has disappeared. What once was a large part of my life was somehow slipping away from me.

Then Christmas break happened. Somehow, coming home brought back that old habit. I've taken more pictures in the past three weeks than I have all semester at college. I realized that what was holding me back at school, was that no one knows that I take my camera everywhere. At home, I'm the girl with the camera. It's always with me. Always. I don't want this to disappear when I go to school. Because photography is part of who I am. I want to document as much as I can about the experience of college. Because to me, college is not just about the education, it's about the experiences too. I want to show you those things here, on my little space on the internet. And not just the fun things, but the struggles and hard things too. I want to show you all what college is like.

So here's to 2013. The year I take more pictures. The year I become the girl with the camera again.

-m

looking back: the first semester

"and this is how change happens. one gesture. one person. one moment at a time."  | Libba Bray |

I'm finding it hard to put my thoughts on my first semester of college into words. So much happened in past four months. So many things that I'm finding hard to even comprehend myself. I look back on the past four months and see everything differently. I think back on who I was that first week in August. Scared, unsure, trying to get used to a new place and knowing no one. Then I think about who I am now. An entire semester under my belt, comfortable with how many things work on campus, and a group of wonderful friends. It's hard to believe that only four months ago I was feeling so unsure about college. Questioning my decision to go to Oklahoma Christian and not sure if I was ever going to fit in at college.

But the thing I learned is that it's not about "fitting in" it's about being yourself and not worrying about what other people think about you. Once I realized this about a month in, college started to become one of the best experiences. I tried new things I'd never thought I'd do. Participating in Freshmen Fanfare and being selected for the music department recital were at the very top of my "things I will never do" list. But I did those things. I jumped in and step out of my comfort zone. Yes, I was scared out of my mind whenever I did anything new, but every time it ended up being something I'll never forget.

I never questioned my decision to be a music major. I've never second guessed. I enjoy being a music major more than anything. The people I've met, the performance I've done and the things I've learned have reenforced my major choice. And I am so excited to continue on and learn even more.

To recap everything I did the past four months would be extremely hard. I could tell you about the christmas event "lighting of the commons" or about finals week and how it was the longest week of my life. But all I will say is that going to college has been one of the best things I've ever done. Even though the eleven hour drive is terrible and I miss my friends and family in my home state, I've already learned and experienced so many things. I've learned things about myself, music, people and life. It's been fantastic so far, and I'm excited to see what will happen in the next four years. So here's to many more semesters to come and many more adventures ahead.

-m

home again

I had mixed feelings about coming home.
After all, camp is basically a second home to me.
But after two weeks of not sleeping in my own
bed and taking a shower with the bugs, part of me
was ready.... and yet part of me wasn't.

The environment of camp is something I haven't been
able to find anywhere else. The nature noises, starry
skies and that constant outdoors smell is just so perfect.

Of course things like that can only last for a short while.
Eventually you have to come back to the normal life.
The busy and hectic life. Camp was God filled, amazing,
awesome and fantastic all at once. Relationships grew
stronger and new ones were formed. It was beautiful.

I'm so excited to share camp photos with you this coming
week. For now, pictures from the past weekend, after camp.

| I spent the weekend with my friends Maddy, Colby and Caris in Des Monies. |

waiting at zombie burger

deciding what kind of burger to get... trailer trash or planet terror? 

senior year | thoughts

I remember when I was a kid. I couldn't wait until I was in high school. Even for a home schooled kid, high school was a time in the future that you looked forward to. Reaching it meant that you were finally growing up. You were doing difficult level courses, making sure you had a plan to be sure you had enough credits and figure out what you were going to do after high school. 


During those four years, you realize that life isn't all fun and games anymore. Those days when you could finish school before noon and spend every waking hour outside are gone. High school is work. You suddenly find yourself with hardly any time to do the things you used to be able to hours on end. That pile of books you still haven't touched even though you got them for christmas and it's now May first, are just collecting dust. Your free time has been constricted and you now have to learn how to schedule everything into the day. 

Freshman and Sophomore year come and go. You develop close friendships, you grow and change and slowly figure out who you are as a person. You realize that things aren't always plain and simply like they were when you were a kid.

Junior year you begin to thinking about life after highschool. You learn to drive. You grow even more as a person. At times, you really wonder if you will actually reach what seems like a never ending school year. You just want to make it to senior year. The last year. 

Senior year hits. You start out excited. You've made it. Its the last year of highschool. You plan senior recitals and graduation parties. You finish up the last high school courses you will ever take. You audition for scholarships and visit college campuses. Excitement builds up as you await that one acceptance letter.  

Then, all of a sudden, it hits you. This is the last year. The last year of life as you know it. What has been you life for so long, is about to end. Standing still, you look back on your life. You childhood. The carefree days. Thinking to yourself "where did the time go" you realize that you miss those days. 


The days when your clothes never matched. The days when you were 10 and your only worry was what mom was making for dinner. 

Taking a look at your life now, you realize you will miss cuddling with your youngest sister in the morning, while watching Arthur and eating cheerios. You'll miss staying up until one in the morning talking with your oldest sister. You'll miss the random facts your middle sister tells you about animals and watching action movies with your brother. 

You realize that you are going to miss your friends, the people who have been with you all these years. Through the good and the bad, they've remained by your side and listened to you. It'll be hard not to see them for so long, but you know that keeping in touch will be on top of your priority list.

This new chapter in your life, while it will surely be a grand adventure, is also something completely unknown.  Leaving friends and family, in order to embark to this adventure will be one of the hardest things of your life. 

You'll be on your own, in an unknown place, fending for yourself. It'll be all new and nothing will be as it used to. You feel as if you are in a dream at times. It's all so surreal and bittersweet.


The first eighteen years of your life have come and gone. The next chapter is starting. You can't see beyond the next step, so you take it slow. Basking in the moments. Remember everything as you walk up to the door, of the next adventure. 


"Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose." 
| Kevin Arnold |


photo set. 

Real.

I am a firm believer in being real. Sometimes on blogs I think we forget that. We forget to be real and then  people get this image that we have this perfect life. This is far from the truth. I've had many conversations with friends and my sister about being real. Its important. I cannot tell you any better than that.

This started out as a journal entry and turned into a post. So this is me, being real, with you. As well as another piece of who I am.

My room is rarely clean. I have piles of papers and notes everywhere. CD's and books shoved on shelves is a chaotic order. I do not dress in the most stylish fashion. You can find me in jeans and a t-shirt on most days, hair in a messy bun with wisps hanging out every which way. My makeup is simple. I don't wash my face everyday.

My diet isn't sugar free, gluten free or vegetarian. I like my desserts, meat and bread. I don't work out everyday and when I do, it's a battle with myself to get to it.

I'm not the best drawer, writer, blogger or photographer. I've gone a week with out touching my camera. I have thousand of unedited photos. I'd rather be behind the camera than in front of it. My blog has suffered from neglect in past years. I often struggle with putting words together to form a paragraph.

I listen to more music and watch more movies then maybe one person ought to. I laugh easily. I bust into song often. I have to many stories to tell and I talk with my hands. I don't do a lot of texting. I'd rather talk face to face then over the phone. I'd take a cup of coffee over a bottle of pop. I don't really like soda. I tend to ramble. I procrastinate. all. the. time.

I tend to get stressed and go crazy.

I don't read as much as I would like to. Math is not my strongest subject. I'm a terrible test taker. Sometimes, I forget about my morning "God time". I'm not always happy - despite what people think. I'd rather be on twitter than facebook. Four times out of five I'll choose to listen to music that is deemed "non-christian" and sometimes that music has a more meaning that any christian song.

I stay up to late and get up to early. I watch to much crime shows, comedies and food network. I hate hot weather. I love cloudy days. Autumn is my favorite season.

I spend to much time on the internet and not enough time hanging out with my siblings.

I don't journal everyday, sometimes its a month before I pick my journal up again. I'm not crafty and probably never will be. I like weird things, such as the beatles and graffiti.

I don't like shopping for clothes. I own about three pairs of shoes, because lets face it- I dislike those too.

I write down to many quotes. I say things like "yo" and "dude" in the same sentence. I sometimes take to long to answer emails. I'm even worse at answering letters.

My blog may not be the most popular or exciting. But I love sharing stories from my journey as a person. I am just me, Marissa, and thats who you will find on this blog.

p.s. --- Great minds think alike. Hannah over at Aspire, a dear friend of mine, just did a post about the messes of life, go read it. I love seeing other bloggers being real. 


p.s.s. --- a BIG thank you to the three lovely ladies who guest posted on my blog the past two weeks. You are all awesome and your posts were spectacular! Be sure to check out their blogs folks! 
Kimberly // Abby // Megan // Jocee.

to journal {guest post by jocee}

i've always liked writing. i've always liked making up characters and situations and places and things, and penning them down in a notebook, or typing them up on a computer. but when i get a case of writer's block, and nothing seems to be going the way i like, i step back, close my fiction, and write about real life. my life. journal.

i like to put down my thoughts. i like to carry my notebook with me everywhere i go, so if the urge hits me, i have my materials to write it down. most people i know think that writing, all types, should be kept in the school classrooms. but for me, writing should travel the world.

to journal is like turning your life into a story for people to read years and years later and imagine it as their own. to journal is saying things that you can't say for real. to journal is the many ramblings, musings of your mind and putting them to music. to journal is to relax. journaling is me.

jocee: dark amber brown eyes, brown hair, dreams with emerald green eyes, sees life in the color vintage, cupcake enthusiast, lover of British accents, left-handed, traditional coca-cola bottle lover, lavender vanilla bubble baths, sea shell collector, avid believer in Narnia, Wonderland and Middle Earth, dictionary reader, quill and ink writer, supporter of chocolate-chip cookie dough ice cream, profound quote creator, despiser of capital letters, your personal imagination station, inspired by rainy days, aspiring photographer, bubble blower. blogs at cupcake dictionary. sleeps on rugs.